The price to pay

I see strands of hair on my hands after finger combing my hair gently.

I check my reflection and see a face with acne scars -- an angry red against my natural skin tone. Weary eyes that just can't open as wide as they could. The light telltale lines of wrinkles forming on my forehead.

My body is decorated with tiny yet swollen, red patches; a small press with my fingertips brings pain. Pimples.

My emotional state -- unbalanced. The mounting stress will result in teary breakdowns when it gets overbearing.

I have to forgo my karaoke session tomorrow too because I need to do so many things. This is sad. I could do with a little relaxing.


Anyway, let's see my schedule.

Monday - to draw 2 sections and elevations for my project, submission of building science CD
Tuesday - submission of history journal, comprising of furniture sketches and notes spanning across 12 weeks, submission of history model & coffee table book & report (all incomplete wtf)
Wednesday - submission of drawing portfolio, drawing sketchbook and CD
Thursday - presentation board draft, submission of finalized and complete plan, 2 sections and 2 elevations

I feel that my quest of perfection doesn't really stand in my way of getting things done, not when there is so much to do that I can't possibly bother to filter and upgrade anything.

Tomorrow I have to finish my remaining section drawing, insert all the appropriate labellings, start my history journal (yes, START), print out the drawings, make a model of an Art Deco room and also a coffee table book for history, and if possible complete that abhorrent history report that has been on my to-do list for months.

And I need a good rest really badly. I've been tormented all week long by paranoia, and would just wake up at intervals in my sleep worrying about my work. This is a bad sign. I can't sleep. At least, not enough to keep me going.

I need to keep it up for one more month to face my external review. In 2 weeks time I'll be sitting for my finals. I have no idea what is going on in Building Science, so god help me with that. Building Materials is a joke. We ceased having formal lessons after 3 weeks, so I can't really say I learned anything. My design is in progress, and feels fairly good to me. That's a consolation I guess. God knows what I'll score for drawing. I don't care anymore, much as I'd like to maintain my CGPA.

Sigh. I need time, lots of it.