眼泪成诗 - 孙燕姿

我已经
已经把我伤口化作玫瑰
我的泪水
已经变成雨水早已轮回
我已经
已经把对白留成了永远
忘了天色
究竟是黑是灰

分手伤了谁
谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓
让你再回味
字不醉人人自醉
因为回忆总是美

我已经
已经把绝情变成了恭维
因为不配
你就忽然自卑说声失陪
我已经
已经把沉默变成了忏悔
无路可退
只能无言以对

分手伤了谁
谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓
让你在回味
字不醉人人自醉
因为回忆总是美

分手伤了谁
谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗已是无所谓
让你再回味
字不醉人人自醉
你的品位总是美

回忆总是美。

Bittersweet feelings -- we smile at the bitter moments we've been through, yet we tear at those happy memories.

The irony of life.

***

I can relate to this song. It is melancholic and somewhat wistful. And everyone can identify with those feelings. I really like it very much, and its good to listen when I'm feeling down. Like now. Because I lost myself a good portion of marks in a question I KNOW THE ANSWER TO by forgetting to pen down my final answer. God save me.

Actually I am pretty certain that I can score at least 80% already but I am soooo close to getting a near perfect score. I am rather disappointed and very regretful.

The last week of my second semester was not easy. The mental stress I gave myself did not help. But anyway, it is over already and not worth stressing about now.

I wonder now how could I be so relaxed throughout the entire duration of my SPM in the past. How I managed to find the time to play Mafia Wars every day during SPM baffles me now. People say enjoy college life, relax, take it easy, don't stress and so on.

And I'd reply "HOW?????". Its easy to say from the viewpoint of someone who can do well without putting in plenty of effort, or from the viewpoint of someone who does not put much emphasis on results. I am not that intelligent (luck always plays a part in my successes, so stop asking me how I manage to do so brilliantly) and I am under a scholarship that requires me to achieve a minimum 3.5 CGPA each semester.

But for now, I'm just gonna let all these worries go and concentrate on enjoying my holiday~! :D

Imbalanced

I have been skipping meals, had insufficient sleep, tired beyond my wits and been through a roller coaster week.

The life of design and architecture students is living hell. I need to hold on for a couple more days before I can fully collapse.

After that, I'll have a week to recuperate, and its back to this lifestyle once more.

Stress stress stress

I feel so stressed of late. My face looks like the surface of the moon and I lack sleep. Lots of it. No thanks to my final project for design. I did real bad in my exam today also because I couldn't think. Regret. But design is more important than English, unfortunately. So yeah. Tomorrow is the submission date :S

Wish me luck!

P.S. This weekend I'm gonna go shopping!!!! I DESERVE IT AFTER SO MANY MONTHS OF ABSTINENCE!

Feeling so proud of myself!

I photoshopped this out today! From scratch, despite my close to nil photoshop knowledge or skills. IT LOOKS GREAT EH, for a beginner?

My first photoshop project that does not involve typing in words only.

Well actually I followed a tutorial but I still feel such a great sense of accomplishment. This image is now my desktop background~

Hehehe!

加油哦~ Stephanie!

My semester is ending soon, and I really must put my all into it.

Even though I am heavily penalised for not attending the site visit (which I so totally cannot afford on my meagre salary), I still hope that I can do well.

As the Japanese say:

Anything that is worth doing is worth doing well.

I really like that saying and wholeheartedly agree with it.

All the best to me!

Personality Test

Engaged Idealist

• My Type
• My Career
• My Love
• My Happiness

Engaged Idealists are extroverted and helpful. Others find them to be very congenial and inspiring - especially as they are always willing to see the best in the other person. Their humour, their energy and their optimism attract other people. Engaged Idealists are very good at communicating and are good at convincing and firing on others. That is why it is a matter of course that they often take over the leading role in groups. This personality type often produces very charismatic persons.

Engaged Idealists have an unusually strong ability to empathise. They are tolerant and generous towards others; they sometimes tend to idealise their friends. They always try to suit everybody and want their relationships to be harmonious and satisfactory. To achieve this, they are prepared to invest a great deal and to put their requirements last. As Engaged Idealists are very considerate, there is the danger of them sacrificing and overexerting themselves for others. In their job, they therefore have to be very careful not to develop a burnout syndrome.

Engaged Idealists are reliable, well organised and love structuring complicated situations. They have difficulty accepting criticism; they quickly feel hurt and misunderstood. Their perfectionism also influences their love life - they look for the perfect relationship for life. Once they have made their decision, they are faithful, well-balanced and loving partners. However, should they get involved with the wrong person, it can happen that they allow themselves to be exploited for a long time before they end the relationship.

Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, theoretical, emotional, planning, idealistic, committed, likable, enthusiastic, responsible, helpful, loyal, diplomatic, friendly, inspiring, caring, solicitous, optimistic, effusive, adaptable, communicative, articulate, convincing, energetic, optimistic, open, vulnerable

On my own

我伤心，谁知道？

我哭了，谁理会？

我觉得好没用、无助、失败。

作业怎样做都搞不定，因为我总没灵感，做不出自己满意的东西。

压力太多了，哪儿来的灵感呀……

我的脾气变坏了，连我都觉得自己很暴躁。是真的很 暴躁那种。明知说了会后悔，但那些难听的话还是从口中出来。我想控制自己，但不说出来心里会更不舒服；因为那些怨气是不会走的，只会在心里滚动，搞得我快要崩溃了。

除此之外，我又没空理我的 dear。这点让我觉得好后悔，好内疚…… 再说，他生病了，我更应该多关心他呀。但是我没有。

我很坏，是不是？

烦恼好多，多到我不想活下去了。但是我也不会那么笨去搞自杀啦……只要我再忍多几年，就会看到阳光了。

我能如愿以偿吗？:/

我领悟了

最近我犯了几个大错。

后悔了。但也从中学习了。

I've been too quick in passing judgment.

I'm not always kind in my words. I can be spiteful and nasty, and its not a side of me that I like.

I wasn't satisfied with my life because I chose to see the negative side of things instead of the positive side.

对我不小心错误的人，我真心对不起。

对于那些肯耐心劝告我的好朋友，谢谢你们。

我的个性太情绪化了…

谁叫我是个红色脑子的人啊…

According to the personality test, red people are emotional, rash, passionate, impulsive and tend to not think before they act. Its not how I want to be, but it is who I am. But even if its IN me, I still have to try and change for the better.

反正，我的成长空间还很大呀……

最重要的是理解、领悟、改善、进步。

我绝对不能半途而废，就这样放弃了我要改善的念头！

所以得写个部落篇来提醒提醒自己 xD

加油咯，Stephanie!

P.S. Waiyeen, your words of encouragement inspired me to write more in Chinese :D

发神经

Today, one of our tutors 发神经. She scolded in class "Can you guys please shut up! Do you understand Inggeris? Do you know what is the meaning of shut up?".

How rude! Her conduct speaks of her character.

Goes to show the Limkokwing spirit. Awesome!

That was a pretty pre-menstrual thing to do. Not "Keep quiet!" or "Lower your voices!", but SHUT UP. Aha I like I like. Wish I had recorded that down so I could upload it to Youtube.

Uni life sucks to the max for me. Getting penalised for not having enough money to go for a 4 days 3 nights, RM1.3k site visit is a first for me. 0 marks for some subjects. Sweet.

***

I miss my boyfriend real badly and yet its only Monday. 4 more days to go before I can get a glimpse of his adorable face :(

Sad, sad Stephanie.

Oh, and by the way, Sanctum is very gory. If I knew what it'd be like I'd never opt to watch that movie. It gives me nightmares. Everyone dies in the end except for the main character. So its like watching them die one by one. The entire movie is about waiting for them to die and seeing who survives till the end. And their deaths get more and more disgusting. The death by hair scene was so revolting that I could not bring myself to watch it.

DEFINITELY NOT MY CUP OF TEA.

No Strings Attached is a much better movie. Grisly movies just can't beat romance. Hmm, I'd say that romance wins over repugnant movies hands down...each time!

一个字：烦

最近几天都心情不好，是特别不好那种。

想到功课会觉得好烦。

想到工作又觉得烦。

学业上的问题若能解决就好咯……我因为经济问题不能与同学去site visit，而这个给我添了好多麻烦。教授给的选择是 a)不做，没分，不及格 或 b)做 extra extra (x10倍以上)

然后，我不能自己来，得与其他没去site visit的同学组织成一组。我没问题呀，只不过，大部分没去的同学都非常懒惰!!! 他们懒惰的程度我无法形容。我连一次面也没见过他们几个，因为他们连课也不去上！ 尤其是那些皮肤黑的外国人。不是我种族歧视哦……是他们故意要给我原因把他们“分类”的！最后我不止需要做自己的份，还得帮那些没用的废材做他们的功课! 你说，这是什么天理？！

最悲伤的是教授好像冷落了我们这群人……我呀，连要做什么也不懂……给了我 “队长” 这个名称，真是搞笑！我天天都尝试找老师问有什么其他作业给没去site visit的我们，但老师又要跟我玩失踪。这也不是一次两次的事情了，搞得我好累，好压力。

林国荣啊林国荣……你这个大学未免太失败了吧……

我连做功课的时间都不够了，还要来烦别的事情。我可以不要理的，但是这样做不是我的风格。我的良心会过意不去的……

哎……

一个字：烦

My First Valentine's Day

And my best, ever!

Actually, the point of Valentine's Day is to spend time with your loved one and cherish each other. So all the material stuff are actually insignificant. Getting 999 roses doesn't mean that your guy loves you more than a girl who only received kisses.

To those out there who don't have a Valentine, its okay :) Don't be unhappy, because God wants you to wait for the right one. Then you will be able to love, cherish and appreciate them better than you can now.

My boyfriend is so awesome. And I am so not. But he doesn't mind, being the sweetheart he is. And thanks to him, I'm the happiest person alive right now!

We had a great dinner at The Windmill tonight. And no, we didn't make any reservations! Hehe..lucky us! Behold, our meal! (Let the pictures talk for now)

Cupid's Prawn and Honeydew Cocktail

Sharkfin and Crabmeat Soup

My boyfriend's cheese-covered, VERY expensive lobster main course.

It was definitely worth the price! ;)

Love Bird (Mine!)

(Oven-baked Tiger Prawns with Honey Baked Spring Chicken)

Love Indulgence (Honey Brownie)

Black Knight

(Black Coffee with Hearty Chocolate)

We got a teddy bear each too!

A gift favour courtesy of The Windmill.

***

My evening was full of surprises and firsts.

I received flowers for the first time ever. And its his first time giving them. Hearing his flower purchasing antics was pretty amusing!

So, I had my first candlelight dinner. AWW AWW AWW!

Got a surprise gift! My dear is so crafty! xD

It is a stuffed beanie pillow which I just mentioned in passing one day that I would like to have. I'm so touched that he remembered *sniff*

But the expense! Each time I think about how much he had splurged I feel kinda bad. Luckily I chipped in for dinner~ at least he doesn't have to foot the bill. I like to pay for my share since it is not fair to let guys pay for everything. Also, I'm working! So its not like I can't afford it.

I spent loads of time snapping photos of my roses and admiring them from all angles after transferring the bouquet into my makeshift vase. I don't even have a flower vase! *embarrassed giggle*

Awww :)

3 roses mean....

Beautiful up close!

Nice vase, gorgeous roses!

The wrapping

***

Felt so happy today! It's really the thought that counts. And my darling boyfriend put so much thought into today that I'm just, touched. And pleased. The gifts and surprises are icing on the cake.

Happy happy! I feel so loved~

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

Let me gross you out a little

My poor toes are always in this condition. There's an internal blood clot in my big toe from long time ago (the brown part), and my nail is chipped in my second toe. Other toenails have whitish lines from accidents.

Sigh.

On a side note, today wasn't great. I have so many things to do and I've barely started doing them. Deadlines are all coming up and I don't know where to start now. Feeling so lost. I need to learn how to manage my time better. All my plans never work out. Fail fail fail.

:(

My first A for design

So you should get why I'm so hyped up over this!

HEEE HEEEE HEEEEE !!! :D

Life is good~

When you subtract partially completed assignments, piles of unmarked students' essays (oh, the horror!), and the long to-do lists.

Music is good therapy though!

Fish Leong, my favourite female artiste :D

But I've broadened my listening "scope" to many other singers too now. Still, I don't like English songs that much despite my passion for that language x)

Some things just can't be helped *shrug*

Okay that's it for now I'm super busy these days!

I want to get more As~ Hohoho!

Byebye!

My boyfriend loves my soup :)

I brought dinner for my dear this evening!

There were eggs with fishcakes, steamed chicken and soup I cooked! Okay, so the soup was from a can, but I was rushing to meet him after coming back from uni in the evening! Creme de la chicken soup~

Also, I brought half a dozen cream puffs for our dessert with a packet Milo for afters. Nice nice dinner :) And he ate everything!

Happy happy~

My cooking skills are NOT non-existent! HA!

I hate spiders.

Spidey has found a mate. Just great.

So right now the space next to my bed hosts two spiders.

Limkokwing sucks.

This post is gonna be disconnected and broken. I'm supposed to be sleeping after my nice, calming bath but no, the state of my room sorta got me worked up to the point where I just HAD to clean it up a little.

Today was absolutely exhausting. I stayed at uni until it was almost 7pm. The librarian chased me out as they were closing down T.T

I absolutely love my strawberry Body Shop shower gel! My Christmas present for myself xD Inhaling fragrant scents soothes my nerves and calms me down after a long wearing day.

My room is getting extremely dirty. I have not cleaned it in ages and the floor hasn't been mopped for more than a week. I am a very sloppy person even if you may think otherwise. Get your preconceptions of me rectified. I spotted a spider web with its host happily nestling in it. Glad you've found your new home. NOT.

I had just walked about my room with a piece of tape in hand, sticking up weeks' worth of hairs. Hairs trap plenty of dust. And dust attracts spiders. I don't even feel like chasing the spider away. It's not its fault that the spot next to my bed makes such a great new home for it.

Why on earth am I empathizing with spiders anyway?

***

Anyway, my week has been a nightmarish roller coaster ride. I'm so glad it's coming to an end. I spent more than RM220 today and I feel really awful. That's like, more than half of my previous month's salary. I had to buy a set of technical pens which cost RM105 (if I use my cheaper Artline pens in my assignments, I'll have to redo it. OKAY I BUY LOR), and a textbook that cost RM100 (if I don't buy it then during exams I can't refer to the formulas. GREAT WAY TO FORCE US BUY EH).

Also, out site visit this semester to Kuching, Sarawak will cost us around RM1000. If we do not go then we probably will have to resit the semester because we won't pass otherwise. GREAT WAY TO FORCE US GO HOR.

I hate spending money.

Hmm. What else I hate about Limkokwing? Its last-minuteness in EVERYTHING. I went on Tuesday for my tutorial, only to find out that the class that afternoon was cancelled. Had to call dad to U-turn back to fetch me or else I have to wait there like a fool with nothing to do for many hours. Wasting petrol and toll money.

After the class cancellation, there was a class postponement. Our initially cancelled drawing class on Monday was postponed to Wednesday, which is supposed to be a free day for us according to our timetable. Because it is a free day for me, I made plans to work on Wednesday. So yippee.

I can't take leave on such short notice (have you heard of the term "responsibility"?). So I had no choice but to skip the stupid class. Now I do not know what to do because my classmates had already submitted their assignments on the day itself. AWESOME.

What else?

Oh, I absolutely suck at measurement and applications. I kept on getting wrong values for my diagrams which nearly drove me to tears because the teacher was going on to the next question and I couldn't even get the first one right. It is so frustrating. I never hated myself as much. Also, I do not know how to use my 360 degree protractor so I kept on having to borrow a 180 degree protractor and since the protractor is so big, I had to extend my line to the table. I don't care if I conteng on the table. But the problem is, after I check my answer and it is not correct, I don't know which point to refer to to alter it.

Thank god lunchtime today was good. I chit chatted at the plaza with my usual group of friends and one of my friends, Wan Jean knows how to read palms! She told me that I have a strong relationship line, that I'll marry before 30 (good! I don't wanna be a 30-year-old unmarried woman). I'm also the kind of person who has to earn my own keep because I don't have the 福相 whereby I need not work and money will come. Okay I got the message. No lottery tickets or gambling and hard work all the way! I can do that :)

Well palm reading turned into ghost story session eventually. We had 2.5hours to kill before our next class which was English. I sat with Zhu Zhen Ming the 中国人. I told him that if he were to smoke during the break I wouldn't sit with him after. I guess he prefers me to do all the work xD Which I don't mind, because it occupies time. Also, he wouldn't have to look up his phone dictionary so often.

3 days more, and I'm coming back to the same weekly routine again. Life is so mundane.

Get creative in the toilet

Just for laughs

The day I got so happy I fainted.

I got my results today!

And I am very satisfied :D

I am very close to getting a perfect 4.0 GPA but well, I'm not that brilliant in this subject entitled Design. Because I never know what my teachers want. And they're not exactly eloquent in expressing their requirements. Communication skills fail me here. At least I tried, you know. I did each project twice in hope of raising my grades. Double the effort. But it simply wasn't enough.

Still, I'm elated! :)

I really hope that this semester will be good. I'm quite interested in the new subjects I'll be doing -- Measurements and Applications 152 and History and Cultural Studies 152. They do sound fascinating! To me, at least.

ALSOOOOOOO...

Since I was in a celebratory mood, I treated my boyfriend, who was a massive pillar of strength to me throughout last year to a scrumptious dinner this evening! We had Western food at Buffalo. It was heavenly! But I had a wonderful fried Calamari treat from my boyfriend though! Thinking of my dinner makes my mouth water even after so many hours.

What a great day!

Hello, 2011!